I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
