He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
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