In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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