Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
