So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You are a genius and a whore.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Randomize
