You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
