I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
