My sheets look like a crime scene.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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