Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
