i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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