Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Randomize
