the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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