im drinking this country out of the recession.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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