she looked like the before picture.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
