I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Randomize
