that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
