I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
don't judge my taste in strippers
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
