Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
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Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...