i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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