Define "chronic" masturbator.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize
