Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
