I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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