I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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