she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
