3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
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