just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
