I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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