I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
