He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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