I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
