Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
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