Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Everclear isn't food dammit
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
