I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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