I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
