New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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