i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
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