I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
