ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
God, I missed his penis.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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