fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
