Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
