After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Need sex. Gaining weight.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
