don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
