i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
