yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Randomize
