batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
