Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
