it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Randomize
