she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
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