Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
