don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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