Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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