I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
