so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
