I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
