i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
