found out what b.m.t stands for.
what did you think?
bread, meat, tomatoes, but then i realized that could be practically any sub.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
