You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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