Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
My underwear smells like fireworks.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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