someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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