After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Randomize
