Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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