He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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