Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Randomize
