I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
