dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
