I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
