I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
