I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I believe in your delicious
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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