our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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