Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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