just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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