I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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